He knows my name!

My healing has been such a long journey. I’ve faced so many obstacles and jumped so many hurdles. And I’m continuing to jump hurdles. Pain wise, I’m still hurting, my tailbone is healing at a very slow rate, it’s better but still very sensitive and I can’t sit on any surfaces without a pillow, my back has been healing they say pretty well as far as bones go, i guess the pain that I’ve been experiencing is my sciatic nerve pain. It’s been flaring up an awful lot this past month throughout the day, and pains going down into my legs. My feet have been swelling quite a bit too. I’m way better than I was, but I still have a little ways to go. I’m worried that the nerve damage is permanent, and is something I will have the rest of my life  praying differently. I know with God, ALL things are possible.

Other than the physical and financial toll this has taken on me and my family, it’s been rather emotionally exhausting. There have been some people in our lives that have been a true GOD SEND to us. People that we don’t know that well, aren’t related to or have gotten to know that well, that have been so supportive to us. I thank God for these 3 families. And for my best friend. I’m truly grateful for them. But most people, for the most part, their actions have been mind blowing. My heart has so much hurt in it, I don’t know how to let go of it. People have hurt me so bad that I honestly don’t know how to get rid of it. When you go through hard times, you find out the people who “truly care”. Saying you’ll come over to visit me and give me company and never following through with your words is hurtful. When I think back to when I was bedridden, I would ask for company, because I was so lonely and hated lying in bed in a quiet dark house alone all day while my husband worked. And there were a few in particular that would say I’ll be there tomorrow at such a time, and they never showed without a call to let me know. I’d get a text few days later just saying sorry but with no excuse. This was hurtful. This happened repeatedly, by the same people. I wasn’t asking people for money, for them to clean my house or do anything for me. All I wanted was a friend, someone’s physical presence, someone to talk to, so I wouldn’t be alone. I understand people are busy and have lives. But if we claim to be Christians, our lives are not meant to serve ourselves. We’re supposed to be there for people when they’re hurting or in times of need. Jesus went to the little girl that was sick and dyingand healed her……he went to her home, prayed over her (luke 8). We are supposed to strive to be like Jesus. I would think that when someone who has been in such a life changing car crash should have people come to their house while they’re bedridden and be prayed over. That should just be a given. And family should stick together no matter what. If you’re family and you love each other, you need to call one another, check up on one another. When one of you is facing hardship, instead of being selfish, you should ask them if there’s anything you can do, or if there’s anything they need. Whether you’re blood brothers or Christian brothers, you’re supposed to be there for one another, and lift up one another. It’s not a one way street.

And to the people who say things like, “you never feel good,” or “you should be better by now”, says the person who’s never been in an accident or person who’s never sustained my injuries. My favorite, is” oh, you’re wearing makeup, you must feel better.” I would like to suggest to these people, to get a clue! Makeup makes me feel better, that’s why I put it on. Only God and my husband know my pain. They see my constant struggle of pain and sleepless nights in tears. It is not your place to judge! It is not your place to throw accusations! It is your job to love. Jesus tells us that we are called to love one another. Why aren’t so many of us doing that? Why is it easier for people to judge and bad mouth someone than to show a person love, kindness and compassion? Christians need to stop judging and start looking deep into our own hearts. What’s in our hearts? Are we truly sharing God’s love or are we just preaching at people, and acting like hypocrites when we leave church? I think what’s turning so many people away from Religion/God, is the hypocrites that act judgmental.  “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” We all are hypocrites, we all are going to stumble and fall because we’re human. But when we act like we’re perfect, do nothing wrong, and judge people, that’s where people start to turn away. Christians are called to a different life style. No we’re not going to be perfect 100% of the time, but we should strive to be better, to love God better, and to love people better.

John 13:34-35“"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

The hurt in my heart is overwhelming at times. I keep giving it to God and every now and then he sends me a little sunshine to show me He loves me and that He cares about every detail in my life. I  won’t allow people to change me, I will still be a person of love and forgiveness because that’s what Jesus wants. I know I’m not the only person in this world with hurts, and there are probably so many people who you would never imagine,  that are hurting behind closed doors. I encourage everyone reading this to love more. Show love to people, whether it’s a simple smile or hello to a stranger, you never know, that could brighten someone’s day. Or a compliment, an encouraging card, a phone call just to see how someone is doing, show you care!!!  After all, memorizing bible verses won’t get you into heaven…..it’s the love of God in your heart that will.

For those of you who are hurting, in physical or emotional pain, know you're never alone, you're not forgotten, God Knows your name, he knows the pain that you're going through. He's always with us! He loves you so much, and so do I! <3

My Journey to Healing

I haven't blogged much about my healing journey as much as I might have wanted to due to privacy issues. But I feel like I need to do a little update every now and then. Partly for myself, partly for my friends and family and partly for others who are in similar situations.

In one week, it will mark 6 months since the accident. I can’t believe how slow the healing process has been, it’s definitely teaching me patience. It’s been a long hard road. A lonely road. I’m so thankful for God giving me the strength and comfort to get through this without any family with me, with the exception of my husband. And thank God for technology! Skyping and face timing with my family has been a life saver!

I have come such a long ways since my car accident. I think back to the first few months where I was completely bedridden, couldn’t even go to the bathroom or shower on my own…..talk about a lesson on humility.

Then I transitioned into getting around on my crutches. Was on those for a long while unfortunately.  Couldn’t move my left leg, couldn’t raise or place any weight on it. I learned very quickly how to use crutches properly otherwise my arms and shoulders would be in a world of hurt, lol. I’m currently off crutches and have been for a few months now! Thank God! I can walk around the house and do very small errands like post office, pick up small (light) items from our small market store. I feel a little freedom in being able to do these silly little errands, but hey it’s a big step for me! I’m still not able to walk/sit/stand for long periods of time without my lower back/tailbone feeling pained or irritated. My biggest enemy in healing has been myself. I push myself too hard. I need to relax more, I need to learn it’s ok to leave a dirty dish once in a while.

I guess the main positive point is that I’M HEALING! It may be SLOWLY, but at least I’m healing and there’s light at the end of the tunnel.  I think back to the first few months and I don’t know how I got through it. I’m stronger than I think I am, and I’m even stronger with God by my side.

I’m still facing some major obstacles with my healing journey, and dealing with others such as the drunk driver who hit us. I have so many mixed emotions about him, I’m mad at him, but I feel bad for him at the same time. I truly pray this man learns his lesson and betters himself before he wrecks himself and another family.

Do you ever get mad at God or wonder, what the heck God, why?! And then something happens to make you realize oh, I see God, you knew all along! I had one of those moments through all of this. About a year after my husband and I got married, we had a miscarriage, only 6 weeks along, and unplanned. We both want children but needed to wait. My heart has ached for so long wondering why, and longing for a baby. But I got to thinking, if I would have had that baby, I definitely would’ve had him/her with us that night, and chances are the baby probably wouldn’t have survived a crash with an impact of +100 mph. I couldn’t have handled that. Not saying a miscarriage is easy, but I think God knows what He’s doing. Through all of this and all I’ve been through, I’m learning that sometimes, most of the time, situations/circumstances in life don’t make sense, and sometimes we can’t understand why. But we need to trust that God has a plan and a future for us. And even though we may not understand it, or know how it’s going to work out, He does! He has already prepared the way! I’m so thankful we have a God that loves us no matter what, flaws and imperfections and all, He doesn’t care He loves us because we are His children and His eye is ALWAYS on us!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”

Proverbs 3:5

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Love Poem from Jesus

 A beautiful poem I heard over the radio many many years ago! I pray every soul that hears this would feel God's great love for them and realize that they are more loved than they could ever imagine!

"Brokenness and the Road to Healing"

Some time has passed to where I can now talk about the last life altering events that have happened. Last December, just a week before Christmas, my husband, friend and I were in a major car accident. We decided to get our Christmas shopping done that night since we both were busy with our work schedules. A close and dear friend of ours decided to come along with us.
On our way home while driving through a canyon, we were hit by a drunk driver from behind, going over 100mph. Totaling our car, and all 3 of us sustained injuries. I won't go into their details due to privacy. I broke 3 bones in my lower back, tailbone, nerve & muscle damage amongst other things. I rode in one ambulance , my husband in the other. That was one of the scariest feelings, not being with my husband and not knowing the extent of his injuries. I remember seeing his face hours later after the accident and I just began to cry, thanking God for saving each and everyone of us that night. It was a miracle that any of us survived.

That night has changed my world in so many ways. I'm very physically limited to what I can do now, simple cleaning and cooking (chores I took for granted) are now things I can't do. I get around with my crutches. Having to rely and depend on others for simple things. Laying in bed at my house alone while my husband works has become more of a home arrest. Living over 1,500 miles from family and friends has been very lonely. I don't care how old you are, when you go through something this devastating all you want are your loved ones close, especially your mom and dad. Luckily we have a great church family, and workplace family, who have shown us support and love.

For those of you who know me, you know I'm a very bubbly person, always happy, in fact i was even given the nickname bubbling Brooke. But now, after this accident, with the loss of my physical capabilities and job, i battle depression. I keep reminding myself that this is only a season. I don't know what the future holds, or what kind of permanent damage there is, but I'm praying and believing there will be no lasting damage and that the Lord would speed my healing. My heart goes out to those who are physically disabled. I don't understand why things happen to people, but I know there's a reason, a specific purpose in it for everyone. God has been teaching me a lot. Most of that He is ALL I need. I learned this while He was ALL I had. One thing that rings true throughout my whole life, is that I have never truly been alone. He has been there with me all along. He NEVER leaves me. God is TRULY and ALWAYS will be my first TRUE LOVE. I thank Him for giving me the GRACE and the STRENGTH to get through my physical and emotional pain every day. I don't understand why God chooses to love me, but I'm so glad He does.

"God's Wildflower"

I know a lot of you are probably wondering why or how I came up with the name "God's wildflower". When i think about who i am and my purpose here, this seems to be the best way i can describe it. I'm not perfect, i have lots of  flaws, i sometimes go against the grain, i sometimes feel inadequate or not normal, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, etc. But I've come to the conclusion that no matter where i am, whatever shape or condition i am in, I'm still good enough to be God's child. I don't have to be perfect in order for God to love me. He loves me no matter how i look, or how talented i am. And i can bloom like a wildflower for God anywhere he plants me. Wildflowers bloom in adversity , it's amazing they survive in the wilderness through bad weather and storms, and they always come back every year in due season and blossom. Wildflowers to me are a symbol of strength and perseverance, which is what I want my faith to be.....strong and ever so ready to persevere whatever may come my way.

"God's Timing is Perfect"

 Timing. We all want things in "our" timing. We plan things, we have agendas, we have a * year plan! We set all these goals that we want to have done by a certain deadline. But in complete honesty, while goals are a good thing to have, we need to consider if it's "GOD's timing" or is it "MY timing"? It's so hard to wait when you want/desire something so much. But, no matter how hard we try to get it done in our time, it will never turn out or be as great as when it's done in God's timing. When we wait upon the Lord, and for His perfect timing, then what we've been wanting  will be far greater than what we've ever imagined or desired. When we wait on God to do the work, He will carry out His plans perfectly. God wants and knows what is best for you. Therefore knowing that, we need to put our trust and hope in the Lord. In our time of waiting, we need to keep praying and believing in God's word. That God is going to fulfill his promise to us...promise to provide, protect, comfort, and bless us with the desires of our heart (Eph. 1:11  God always does what he plans, and that's why he appointed Christ to choose us. ). If we keep faithful to God, He won't let us down!  (1Pe 5:6  Be humble in the presence of God's mighty power, and he will honor you when the time comes.)

 

 

Act 1:7  "And He said to them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father has put in His own authority."

Ecc. 3:11 " He has made everything beautiful in His time; also He has set eternity in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God makes from the beginning to the end. "

Rom 8:25 " But if we hope for that which we do not see, then we wait for it with patience. "

Psa .69:13  "But I pray to you, LORD. So when the time is right, answer me and help me with your wonderful love.  "

the father's love