He knows my name!

My healing has been such a long journey. I’ve faced so many obstacles and jumped so many hurdles. And I’m continuing to jump hurdles. Pain wise, I’m still hurting, my tailbone is healing at a very slow rate, it’s better but still very sensitive and I can’t sit on any surfaces without a pillow, my back has been healing they say pretty well as far as bones go, i guess the pain that I’ve been experiencing is my sciatic nerve pain. It’s been flaring up an awful lot this past month throughout the day, and pains going down into my legs. My feet have been swelling quite a bit too. I’m way better than I was, but I still have a little ways to go. I’m worried that the nerve damage is permanent, and is something I will have the rest of my life  praying differently. I know with God, ALL things are possible.

Other than the physical and financial toll this has taken on me and my family, it’s been rather emotionally exhausting. There have been some people in our lives that have been a true GOD SEND to us. People that we don’t know that well, aren’t related to or have gotten to know that well, that have been so supportive to us. I thank God for these 3 families. And for my best friend. I’m truly grateful for them. But most people, for the most part, their actions have been mind blowing. My heart has so much hurt in it, I don’t know how to let go of it. People have hurt me so bad that I honestly don’t know how to get rid of it. When you go through hard times, you find out the people who “truly care”. Saying you’ll come over to visit me and give me company and never following through with your words is hurtful. When I think back to when I was bedridden, I would ask for company, because I was so lonely and hated lying in bed in a quiet dark house alone all day while my husband worked. And there were a few in particular that would say I’ll be there tomorrow at such a time, and they never showed without a call to let me know. I’d get a text few days later just saying sorry but with no excuse. This was hurtful. This happened repeatedly, by the same people. I wasn’t asking people for money, for them to clean my house or do anything for me. All I wanted was a friend, someone’s physical presence, someone to talk to, so I wouldn’t be alone. I understand people are busy and have lives. But if we claim to be Christians, our lives are not meant to serve ourselves. We’re supposed to be there for people when they’re hurting or in times of need. Jesus went to the little girl that was sick and dyingand healed her……he went to her home, prayed over her (luke 8). We are supposed to strive to be like Jesus. I would think that when someone who has been in such a life changing car crash should have people come to their house while they’re bedridden and be prayed over. That should just be a given. And family should stick together no matter what. If you’re family and you love each other, you need to call one another, check up on one another. When one of you is facing hardship, instead of being selfish, you should ask them if there’s anything you can do, or if there’s anything they need. Whether you’re blood brothers or Christian brothers, you’re supposed to be there for one another, and lift up one another. It’s not a one way street.

And to the people who say things like, “you never feel good,” or “you should be better by now”, says the person who’s never been in an accident or person who’s never sustained my injuries. My favorite, is” oh, you’re wearing makeup, you must feel better.” I would like to suggest to these people, to get a clue! Makeup makes me feel better, that’s why I put it on. Only God and my husband know my pain. They see my constant struggle of pain and sleepless nights in tears. It is not your place to judge! It is not your place to throw accusations! It is your job to love. Jesus tells us that we are called to love one another. Why aren’t so many of us doing that? Why is it easier for people to judge and bad mouth someone than to show a person love, kindness and compassion? Christians need to stop judging and start looking deep into our own hearts. What’s in our hearts? Are we truly sharing God’s love or are we just preaching at people, and acting like hypocrites when we leave church? I think what’s turning so many people away from Religion/God, is the hypocrites that act judgmental.  “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” We all are hypocrites, we all are going to stumble and fall because we’re human. But when we act like we’re perfect, do nothing wrong, and judge people, that’s where people start to turn away. Christians are called to a different life style. No we’re not going to be perfect 100% of the time, but we should strive to be better, to love God better, and to love people better.

John 13:34-35“"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

The hurt in my heart is overwhelming at times. I keep giving it to God and every now and then he sends me a little sunshine to show me He loves me and that He cares about every detail in my life. I  won’t allow people to change me, I will still be a person of love and forgiveness because that’s what Jesus wants. I know I’m not the only person in this world with hurts, and there are probably so many people who you would never imagine,  that are hurting behind closed doors. I encourage everyone reading this to love more. Show love to people, whether it’s a simple smile or hello to a stranger, you never know, that could brighten someone’s day. Or a compliment, an encouraging card, a phone call just to see how someone is doing, show you care!!!  After all, memorizing bible verses won’t get you into heaven…..it’s the love of God in your heart that will.

For those of you who are hurting, in physical or emotional pain, know you're never alone, you're not forgotten, God Knows your name, he knows the pain that you're going through. He's always with us! He loves you so much, and so do I! <3